Tony Soprano, the iconic anti-hero of The Sopranos, delivered some of the most powerful, funny, and brutally honest lines in television history.
If he was reflecting on life, asserting his authority, or navigating family drama, Tony’s quotes remain unforgettable.
Fans of the show often search for his memorable words to capture his wisdom, wit, or raw emotion.
This collection brings you the very best Tony Soprano quotes, organized by theme, to help you relive the magic of the show—or use his lines to channel your inner boss.
Best Tony Soprano Quotes
🔫 I’m like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to st
🔫 Even a broken clock is right twice a day
🔫 You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it’s smooth, sometimes you hit the rocks
🔫 Buy land, ’cause God ain’t making any more of it
🔫 Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they’re leading
🔫 I find I have to be the sad clown
🔫 The only thing better than having a dream is living it
🔫 If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them
🔫 A wrong decision is better than indecision
🔫 Those who want respect, give respect
🔫 We’re soldiers. Soldiers don’t go to hell
🔫 You got no idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other fing thing
🔫 There’s an old Italian saying: You f** up once, you lose two teeth
🔫 I wipe my ass with your feelings
🔫 You don’t think that human beings possess free will?
Tony Soprano Quotes About Life
🌆 All due respect, you got no f***ing idea what it’s like to be me
🌆 You live in the dream, but you wake up in the nightmare
🌆 You go to the office, I go to the office. But I run the business
🌆 You know where I was yesterday when you called me? With my family
🌆 A guy told me one time: Don’t expect happiness, you won’t get it
🌆 This life, you’re alone
🌆 It’s all a big nothing. What makes you think you’re so special?
🌆 What happened to Gary Cooper?
🌆 I got a family to feed
🌆 The strong silent type. That was an American
🌆 Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public
🌆 You ever feel like nothing good was ever gonna happen to you?
🌆 It’s not all black and white, like they say
🌆 I’m just a regular Joe with a big job
Tony Soprano Quotes Funny
🤣 If I had a dime for every time I heard that, I’d have eight cents
🤣 I wipe my ass with your feelings
🤣 You don’t need a gun. You need a fork
🤣 The guy’s head was like a watermelon
🤣 You know what’s a sad thing? I actually liked you
🤣 Maybe I’m overreacting, but that guy was a p***k
🤣 A hit is a hit. Unless it’s a miss
🤣 Take it easy. We’re not making a western
🤣 You ever think there’s more to life than food and television? Me neither
🤣 You’re like a dog chasing cars
🤣 I got a wart on my ass more interesting than him
🤣 That’s the only reason you’re breathing—because I’m a good guy
🤣 Don’t get cunty
🤣 I need a break from my own thoughts
Famous Tony Soprano Quotes
📺 Those who want respect, give respect
📺 You got no idea what it’s like to be Number One
📺 A wrong decision is better than indecision
📺 You steer the ship the best way you know
📺 It’s all a big nothing
📺 Buy land, ’cause God ain’t making any more
📺 There’s no stigmata in suicide
📺 The strong silent type
📺 I wipe my ass with your feelings
📺 You don’t think human beings possess free will?
📺 Some people are so far behind they think they’re first
📺 Soldiers don’t go to hell
📺 Gary Cooper, now he was a real man
📺 The only thing better than having a dream is living it
Funny Tony Soprano Quotes
😂 I wipe my ass with your feelings
😂 A hit is a hit—unless it’s a miss
😂 You don’t need a gun. You need a fork
😂 Don’t get cunty
😂 Maybe I’m overreacting, but that guy was a p*k
😂 I got a wart on my ass more interesting than him
😂 I need a break from my own thoughts
😂 You ever try to do nothing? It’s exhausting
😂 I’m not a cat. I don’t land on my feet
😂 I don’t care how close you are to the guy. If he’s an ahole, he’s an a**hole
😂 I feel like King Lear
😂 That’s the only reason you’re breathing—because I’m a good guy
😂 The guy’s head was like a watermelon
😂 Take it easy. We’re not making a western
😂 You’re like a dog chasing cars
Tony Soprano Quotes About Being the Boss
👑 You got no idea what it’s like to be Number One
👑 You steer the ship the best way you know
👑 Every decision you make affects every other f***ing thing
👑 A wrong decision is better than indecision
👑 You go to the office, I go to the office. But I run the business
👑 Being the boss is a lonely job
👑 What do you want from me, applause?
👑 You can’t lead with your heart
👑 It’s hard work being the boss
👑 Power wears a heavy crown
👑 People only see the perks
👑 You know what I do? I make decisions
👑 You don’t hand over the reins till you know the next guy can handle it
👑 It’s not personal. It’s business
👑 You think this is easy?
Tony Soprano Quotes Respect
💼 Those who want respect, give respect
💼 I gave him the benefit of the doubt
💼 He disrespected me in front of everyone
💼 You don’t disrespect the family
💼 You think that’s how you show loyalty?
💼 He made a move without checking with me
💼 You need to learn some manners
💼 What are we, animals?
💼 There’s a chain of command for a reason
💼 You cross a line, there’s no going back
💼 I treated him like a son
💼 It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
💼 You don’t talk to the boss like that
Tony Soprano Quotes About Family
👨👩👧👦 You know where I was when you called me? With my family
👨👩👧👦 Family comes first
👨👩👧👦 This thing of ours—it’s a family
👨👩👧👦 I’m just trying to keep the family together
👨👩👧👦 What kind of parent am I?
👨👩👧👦 My kids don’t know who I am
👨👩👧👦 Everything I do, I do for them
👨👩👧👦 Carmela’s been through a lot
👨👩👧👦 It’s tough raising kids today
👨👩👧👦 The only thing that matters is family
👨👩👧👦 I don’t want this life for my son
👨👩👧👦 I would kill for my kids
👨👩👧👦 My family doesn’t understand what I do
👨👩👧👦 AJ’s lost
👨👩👧👦 You always protect the family
Funniest Tony Soprano Quotes
😆 I wipe my ass with your feelings
😆 That guy’s head looked like a watermelon
😆 You don’t need a gun. You need a fork
😆 I got a wart on my ass more interesting than him
😆 Maybe I’m overreacting, but that guy was a pk
😆 I feel like King Lear
😆 I need a break from my own thoughts
😆 Don’t get cunty
😆 I’m not a cat. I don’t land on my feet
😆 Take it easy. We’re not making a western
😆 I got no fing idea what I’m doing
😆 You ever try to do nothing? It’s exhausting
😆 I’m just a regular Joe with a big job
😆 You’re like a dog chasing cars
😆 I’m in therapy. Big whoop
Conclusion
Tony Soprano’s quotes reflect the complexity of his character—a mix of fierce loyalty, brutal honesty, and dark humor.
If you admire him, fear him, or just find him fascinating, these quotes offer a powerful glimpse into the mind of one of TV’s greatest characters.
From lessons about power and respect to his unforgettable one-liners, Tony’s words continue to resonate.
