Billy Madison is a comedy classic that continues to entertain fans with its hilarious one-liners, absurd humor, and unforgettable characters.
If you’re searching for the most memorable Billy Madison quotes, you’re likely reliving some of your favorite scenes or sharing a laugh with friends.
This guide brings together the best quotes from the film—featuring Adam Sandler’s goofy charm, Chris Farley’s intensity, and even that mysterious penguin.
Whether you’re here for nostalgia or to grab a funny line, these quotes will remind you why Billy Madison remains one of the most quotable comedies of all time.
Best Billy Madison Quotes 🧠
- Stop looking at me swan
- T-T-T-Today, Junior
- Shampoo is better, I go on first and clean the hair
- No I will not make out with you
- That’s assault, brotha
- That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace
- You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants
- I am the smartest man alive
- It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around
- I’m sorry I called you a piece of something
- O’Doyle rules
- That’s quacktastic
- I can’t wait till I go to hike school
- My Billy, he’s a good boy
- You got a banana in your ear
Funny Billy Madison Quotes 😂
- Don’t tell me my business, devil woman
- You blew it!
- I hate cursive, it’s the worst
- You get your ass out there and you find that freaking dog
- All you gotta do is study…
- I made the duck blue because I’ve never seen a blue duck
- Nudie magazine day!
- I’m not a loser
- I can’t believe I shaved my balls for this
- It’s a simple question, doctor
- Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll
- Did the penguin tell you to do this?
- My fingers hurt
Adam Sandler Billy Madison Quotes 🎭
- Back to school, back to school
- I am the smartest man alive
- I drew the duck blue
- Stop looking at me swan
- Shampoo is better
- You get your ass out there and find that dog
- No I will not make out with you
- Today, Junior!
- Veronica Vaughn… oh my
- You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants
- Did I just see a penguin?
- I like school… it’s fun
- That’s what I thought
- Man, I’m good
- What day is it?
Famous Billy Madison Quotes 🌟
- T-T-T-Today, Junior
- Back to school, back to school
- You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants
- Stop looking at me swan
- Shampoo is better
- I drew the duck blue
- Veronica Vaughn is one fine piece of ace
- I am the smartest man alive
- Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll
- O’Doyle rules
- Don’t tell me my business, devil woman
- It’s too hot for a penguin
- Nudie magazine day!
- That’s assault, brotha
Billy Madison Quotes Penguin 🐧
- It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around
- Did the penguin tell you to do this?
- I see you, Mr. Penguin
- He’s back again
- You’re not real, man
- That penguin’s watching me again
- You better run, penguin
- I’m seeing things
- Why’s there a penguin in my pool?
- You again?
- Freakin’ penguin
- Penguin’s following me
- That penguin is my enemy
- I’ll get you, penguin
- No more penguins, please
Chris Farley Billy Madison Quotes
- That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace
- You’re gonna die clown
- Good, great, grand, wonderful
- No yelling on the bus
- Sit down, shut up
- It’s called respect
- That’s it, you’re all gonna get it
- Lunch lady land
- That’s not my job
- I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast
- Want to hear about my day? No? Too bad
- Shut your mouth
- You think you’re funny?
- Let me tell you something
- This is not nap time
Billy Madison Quotes Back to School 🎒
- Back to school, back to school
- I’m not afraid to go to school
- High school’s gonna be fun
- Time to learn
- I got my lunch packed up
- I’m ready to prove my dad wrong
- School time is cool time
- Let’s hit the books
- Recess is the best
- I’m excited for snack time
- Study hard, play harder
- School’s the best
- I’m getting smarter
- School rules
- I love my new crayons
Billy Madison Quotes School 🏫
- School is cool
- Time for book learnin’
- I hate cursive
- Math class is tough
- Let’s do some readin’
- Where’s my lunch?
- I like recess the best
- I’m ready to learn
- Learning is fun
- I’m not a dummy
- I made an A!
- It’s snack time
- I drew a blue duck
- What’s the answer?
- School’s back in session
Miss Lippy Billy Madison Quotes
🖍️
- Miss Lippy’s car is green
- The glue is for sticking, not tasting
- Storytime is the best time
- Miss Lippy dances funny
- She puts paste on her face
- She’s not like the other teachers
- Miss Lippy believes in creative expression
- Let’s paint with our feelings
- Be quiet during quiet time
- Miss Lippy’s desk is full of glitter
- Let’s read the puppy story again
- Sit criss-cross applesauce
- Miss Lippy says we’re all special
- Time for glitter crafts
- We all get gold stars
Conclusion
Billy Madison is a treasure trove of off-the-wall humor, absurd characters, and classic one-liners that continue to resonate with fans.
Whether you’re quoting the penguin, laughing at Chris Farley, or reliving Adam Sandler’s most iconic lines, this list captures the essence of what makes Billy Madison so unforgettable.
